you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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