he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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