her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
