Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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