just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
