Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
