If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
