a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
