i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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