You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
