remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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