weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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