we're chasing vodka with high fives
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
