The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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