I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
