I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
