Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
