i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
