I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
