Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The best revenge is premature balding
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
