i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
