Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
