You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
