The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
