I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
