Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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