Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
