did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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