I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
