Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
