she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
