North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had sex on a roof
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
