carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
