He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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