Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
