How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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