ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
