is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
