gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
