When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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