So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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