It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
