Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
