Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
