You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
