Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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