Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
