are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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