If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
