My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
