just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Couch. On fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
