I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
