How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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